I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I often wonder when I lost that wild-eyed idealism and gullability I had as a child. That “Gee, Mr. Wizard, how does water freeze solid when your bottle of vodka doesn’t?” naivity. That “Mom, I didn’t see any storks at the hospital when we picked up you and my baby sister!” realization. That “Really, Father Flanigan. I won’t go to heaven unless I show you my what?” deception. When did it all go south? When did this cynical, crusty exterior form around my little brain? (By the way, I’m not catholic. Journalistic license is a wonderful thing.)

It’s not a question of when, since I now know it is an ongoing process that may never end. I’ll always possess some sort of child-like hope and fantasy. Or will I? What happens if that karma cup goes empty? What then? Will I actually become Henry Chinaski?

My own personal timeline of Decreasing Naitivty and Increasing Cynicism probably started when I was three years old. That is the year the hit song, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus came out. Sung by twelve year old helium-voiced Jimmy Boyd, it sold over 3 million records in 1953 alone. The title of the song itself explains the premise. But what conclusion might a three year old glean from this premise? The obvious and intended: Santa Claus is actually Daddy...hence, there is no Santa Claus. The less obvious: Mommy is a cheap ho’ and Santa is a pervert...hence, who is my Daddy? Either way, what a confusing kick in the ass for a three year old! What a dose of reality for little Zed! What a crock of shit for the sake of musical commercialism! How was it this song wasn’t banned in Boston?

As I recall, I continued to believe in Santa Claus (and the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the Boogie Man) well into my 30’s. These fantasy figures will remain etched into our young minds forever. That cynical crust not only prevents new things from entering...it doesn’t often allow old things to escape.

I still have a boatload of hope. But I still sleep with a small nightlight, and never ever open the closet alone in the dark!